How To Create a Better Relationship
Copyright © 2007 Mr L.Rx
So you want a good relationship, huh? You want your girl to like sex more? You want her to understand you better? Or perhaps one of the 1000 other little items that bug guys in relationships?
Well, if you want a better relationship - here is the first rule.
Relationships are created and take continual active work to improve them. A relationship either gets better or worse, there is no static state in relationships - they either get better or worse.
If you create them, they get better. If you stop creating them, they get worse. It's that simple. And it applies to ALL relationships- work, girlfriend, kids, buddies.
Now my observation is that MOST women already know this and MOST men either DON'T know it, or if they do, they don't practice it.
So then exactly WHAT are we talking about when we talk about RELATIONSHIPS and CREATE?
Well, first of all, let's make a distinction between casual social relationships and working productive relationships.
Webster tell us that a relationship is :
The state of being mutually or reciprocally interested
(as in social or commercial matters).
However, it is not a very good definition, because you still have a relationship with that "boss" at work who you don't like and are definitely NOT interested in and they are not interested in you, or that teacher at school who is NOT interested in you in the least or you him.
"A relationship exists with anyone that you co-act with towards a specific goal."
If that "goal" is social, then of course anyone you hang with to have fun or entertainment or whatever with- you are relating to.
If that "goal" is business, then anyone you are co-acting with to get a paycheck or to make money, or whatever you do, is in a relationship with you. And of course that "teacher" you aren't the least bit interested in and who likewise is not interested in you is co-acting with you towards giving you a grade for the course - which is both your purpose and his.
So this is a little better working definition for our purposes. If you are not working with someone towards some purpose - be it social (talking, having fun), familial (co-mingling, finances, sexual fun, raising children) or business (getting paid for the work you do or products or services that you produce) you are NOT in a relationship with that person.
So when you first meet a girl and are attracted to her, you are trying to establish a relationship, whether it is just for a fling (sexual fun), ongoing friendship only (companionship and sexual fun) or something more serious - like all of the above plus living together and sharing finances and raising children together.
You are hoping she will be attracted to you too, and then that will lead to hanging out fun and in most cases what you really want and need from a woman - sexual fun. And if this happens, you have a sexual relationship.
So what is CREATING a relationship? CREATING a relationship is doing those things which increase attraction (both physical and mental/spiritual), communication, understanding, mutual survival, agreements between you, and the number and or quality of the products you produce together.
When you are NOT creating a relationship the attraction decreases (physical and/or mental/spiritual), the communication worsens, the understanding and mutual survival lessens, the agreements between you lessen and/or are broken, and the number and quality of products you produce together go down.
SO Let's translate this into actions you can do.
Well, you probably already know how to CREATE a relationship. Most guys do it when they are romancing the girl to get her. They bring her flowers, open the door for her, assure her she looks nice (when she is worried about it), listen to her gossip even though it bores them out of their mind. They go to the mall with her when they really hate shopping. They go to chick movies with her now and again. GET IT GUYS - you know what I am talking about - CREATING is ALL those things you do to GET THE GIRL!
(And I don't just mean traditional things like above. If you do non-traditional things to attract a women, like I outline in
"How To Meet Women In Bars and Clubs" http://datingtorelating.com/meet_women_bars_and_clubs___article , then those are the things you must do to keep attracting her. )
Now the problem is most guys do all kinds of things they DON'T like just to get the girl, then after they get her and feel comfortable in their position - THEY STOP doing all those things that they don't like.
PROBLEM IS GUYS, that is the death toll for the relationship.
WHATEVER you did to GET THE GIRL you have to do MORE OF IT, more frequently, and in new and better ways to CREATE the relationship and KEEP her.
So, if you went dancing with the girl once a week when you were courting her (and she loved it) continue to go dancing with her once a week when you are married, even when you have children - hire a babysitter. Romance your wife. But you may need to vary it - dance with her after a romantic dinner at home. Take her to new and exciting dance places. Take dance lessons with her. Get the idea.
There are probably dozens of little things (or big things) like this you did to get her. CONTINUE to do them. Do them better. Find new ways of doing them. And find new ways to attract her. You are going to have to do this continuously, and if you want to keep her for the rest of your life, then you are going to have to do this for the rest of your life.
WOMEN are easy to attract and seduce with CREATE. But if you chose to attract and seduce a women with create, you have to continue to seduce her with create as long as you want that relationship to continue.
ATTRACTION is a physical energy flow. It is not something that someone has forever - just because they were attracted to you on one or several occasions, or even long periods of time. ATTRACTION has to be continuously created. To put it simply, Whatever you did to ATTRACT the girl in the first place (including seemingly negative things like being aloof and "hard to get" if that is what you did), you have to continue to do that to CREATE a relationship. If you continuously attract the girl you are in a relationship with, the relationship will grow, get closer, be more fun and more productive. And oh yeah, she'll want sex just as much as you do (if not more).
Now this is a simple description of the process. This simple explanation will help some of you, but others will need a lot more details and examples to handle complex situations. There is a lot more I can tell you about this subject but it would take pages and pages and pages.
In "Dating To Relating" the book I go into much more detail on "attraction" and "how to create attraction," "how to create a relationship," "romance," "seduction," and what to do if you are in a relationship with someone you didn't qualify properly and perhaps is the wrong person for you.
I give specific examples and technique.
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